I just finished one of the best books I’ve ever read, and one of the worst books I’ve ever read. They had several things in common. They were both written by female authors in their early forties. The writing was well done, clever, and moved the reader through the story well. In both books character development was also well done even though I really liked the characters in one of the books and couldn’t wait to get the characters out of my life in the other book. I only read the book I hated because it was the selection for my book club meeting that week.
But the thing that really struck me about both those books was the excessive use of the F-word. Neither book would have been changed in the least if the author had simply left it out of the manuscript. The use of the word really grates on me.
I’ve never considered myself a prude. As I age, though, there are some things that make me cringe. And this casual acceptance and widespread use of the F-word in mainstream culture is one of those things. It’s everywhere.
I’m a big fan of an alternative media news source called Badlands Media. Most of the hosts of the podcasts are in their 30s and early 40s, and they don’t think twice about using the F-word. In fact, they had a long discussion on one of their shows some time back in response to comments from their audience about its appropriateness and overuse. Their view was this:
It’s only a word. Words only have the meaning we assign to them. They, themselves, don’t assign any offense to it, and they use it because it fits for them. They don’t consider it unacceptable or inappropriate. It’s just part of their culture. They have a right to use it whether or not it offends anyone else. And anyone who’s offended by that can just go F themselves.
This is America, the land of the free, and I completely agree with that argument from their viewpoint. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. And I surely don’t.
In the case of Badlands Media, I’m not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I value their content, and I will keep listening to them whether or not they use language I don’t care for. I have noticed, though, that some are making an effort to minimize the use of all swear words.
I will also keep reading books by the author mentioned above (Rebecca Yarros, in case you’re interested) who creates stories I enjoy a lot. Her books have a bit more graphic sex than I’m comfortable with too, but her complex and entertaining stories are worth that personal discomfort.
Pop culture, books, music, movies, everyday language by everyday people is full of the f-word these days. It’s really hard to get away from. We all have choices to make.
One of my brothers was in the Navy. Somewhere along the line he picked up the habit of swearing, well, like a sailor.
The thing about the F-word is, I think, that it’s kind of an all-purpose word. In my opinion, people use it when they’re too lazy to think of another, more appropriate, more intelligent, word to express themselves. It becomes a habit. One Randy and I also had for a short time while we were in the military until we realized how ignorant and low class we sounded.
Sometimes, I do think that its use is appropriate and impactful. And I have, in fact, used it myself on occasion. Those who know me know that when the F-word comes out of my mouth it’s because I need to make a major point. It’s shocking to hear, and the point is made.
In another example of when the F-word is suitable, I often think of the pioneers in their covered wagons crossing from the eastern United States to the west to create new lives for themselves. I envision a wagon train driving south to avoid the hardship of crossing the Rocky Mountains. Then they get to the edge of the Grand Canyon and the Wagonmaster looks out and simply says, “Oh, fuck.” THAT, to me, is an appropriate use of the word.
Back to my brother. One day, in the course of a fairly brief conversation, Denny told a story about something that happened to him that was entertaining and funny. In the telling he used the F-word about 10 times in 5 minutes. I laughed at his story and ability to tell it while at the same time cringing at the f-ing this and f-ing he sprinkles into his everyday speech. I said, “Denny, you’re a smart guy. Can’t you think of any more intelligent adjectives to use?”
That’s really the crux of my problem with the word and its overuse. It takes thought to come up with appropriate adjectives to describe the intensity of experience or the state of a situation. The F-word is used most times as an all-purpose adjective or expletive and it’s a laziness habit.
To Denny’s credit, he is now much more careful about his language around me. If he slips and uses the word, he immediately realizes it and apologizes. I recognize he does that because he’s an honorable and thoughtful man who respects the wishes of others. And I appreciate him for that.
So, ok, I don’t like the F-word or its flagrant use. In my opinion, no one really needs it. But I don’t like a lot of things that are part of life in 2025. I have control over what I allow in, and choose to keep out, of my life. I don’t get to decide, NO ONE should get to decide, what language other people use or how they live.
I don’t think the F-word adds one iota of value to any conversation or situation. As a result, it’s my responsibility, to the best of my ability, to avoid people and things where it’s prominent. And I will choose to do that unless I get more value from those people or things than I am cringey about it. Choices. Thank God we still get to make them.
P.S. The last of our winter guests leave tomorrow. We’ve had a great time with them all. Randy and I feel so blessed that they choose to come spend time with us, and that we’re able to co-exist comfortably with them. Thank you, all who’ve been here, for being great guests.
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