I am beyond blessed to still have a living mom to call and talk to, visit, consult, and honor whenever I want. Physically she is shrinking in stature a little and slowing up. She mentions the aches and pains more often than she used to. She has to think more deliberately about exactly what word might convey what she wants to say. If her immediate family, kids, spouses, grandkids and great grandkids all went to Disneyland together, it would take 2 boats on Pirates of the Caribbean to transport all of us. Not that we’d do that…but just saying.
Mom is still driving, quite competently. My brother tested her a few months ago to make sure no one would think she’d be a danger to anyone else on the road. She also still golfs although last year was the first year she didn’t want to be committed to the frequency and regularity of a league. Some mornings, she said, it was just too cold to get out there before 8 am, or when it took her longer than usual to get moving in the morning.
As I’ve said a number of times in this blog, mom’s love language has always been feeding people. She and I had a conversation a couple of nights ago. She admitted she no longer enjoys cooking big meals anymore. It wears her out and she doesn’t eat much. Hell, cooking meals wears me out and I’m 20 years younger than she is.
Mom didn’t have much formal education, and she scoffs when I tell her she’s one of the wisest women I know. It’s true, whether she believes it or not. She never did develop much interest in technology, but she does love Facebook to be able to keep up with and see photos of all her progeny.
I had mom all to myself for a few days last week. I drove her to Milwaukee to visit one of my cousins who is in the hospital following open heart surgery. During the 3-hour drive there and back I asked her to tell me stories about her life that I might not have heard before. It was interesting to hear about her first love (not my father), the first man to offer her marriage (also not my father, nor her first love), She also told me about the just one year of high school she attended. She was forced to go back to school when they passed a law that kids had to attend school until they were 16. Since she left formal education after eighth grade, she became a much older freshman than her classmates. The great fun is what she remembered most from that final year of formal schooling, especially attending two proms.
I asked her to tell me the story again of how she and dad met. He was home from the service and while she and a girlfriend (about 16 at the time) were walking down a rural road, he stopped on his motorcycle and asked if they wanted a ride. She said dad was a very sexy man (I really didn’t need to hear that), but she was a good girl and refused both the drinking and affection he offered. Apparently, dad was impressed that she wasn’t “easy” like the other girls. Mom said she thinks he ended up respecting her enough and they married when she was just 17 years old.
Mom is a very social person who makes and keeps friends easily. It’s one of her natural skills, but she also works at being a good friend to people. I honestly can’t remember ever hearing of anyone having a conflict with her. She looks for the best in everyone, and she finds it. It’s one of her greatest strengths and the reason everyone loves her so much.
Lisa and I decided a few months ago to fly back to Wisconsin to help mom celebrate this landmark birthday. We called our brother who lives in Fond du Lac and asked (because he has the perfect property for it) if he and his wife would host a birthday party for mom. Our three other siblings also agreed to come so for the first time in years, we would all be together. We all knew our presence was the best gift we could give mom. We also invited all the grandkids.
Mom had a twin brother, Eddie, who died of a massive heart attack at age 68. Every year on their birthday, she ceremoniously releases a birthday balloon in his honor. Yesterday at the party, mom was surprised by two of Eddie’s kids who drove up from Chicago to help her celebrate. Mom was thrilled to see them and share the balloon releasing tradition with them.
Several weeks ago on Facebook, Lisa asked anyone who’d met mom, send her a card. She got scores of birthday greetings from friends of her kids. She was touched and delighted that people cared enough to reach out to her. Some of them wrote very touching messages. I’ll bet mom will read those cards over and over and over again and feel incredibly loved every single time.
There were about 30 people who helped mom celebrate her 90 trips around the sun. It was a perfect day, weather wise. The kids spent a lot of time in the pond, the adults caught up on all the news and views with each other, and we ate far more than was good for any of us. One of my nephews was taking bets on how many times mom would cry while reading her birthday cards. She beat his prediction many times over. We had a good laugh over that.
On her Facebook page the next morning, Lisa helped Mom post the following message:
I had the best 90th birthday!!! Thank you to all who have sent cards, called, and came to my party. It was a lovely day with my family. I am truly blessed. Blessings to you all!
Well, as the old saying goes, she had the only 90th birthday of her life, so of course it was the best. But Lisa and I came home with her that night and she couldn’t stop talking about it.
Honestly, the 6 of us kids to whom she and dad gave life are the ones who are blessed. We have her as a mom, a counselor, a cheerleader, a champion, a teacher, a nurturer, and one who will always love us unconditionally.
We love you dearly, mom, and are so grateful and blessed that we are still able to enjoy each other’s physical presence. Every additional year is a cherished gift.
P.S. Home to Florida on Wednesday. Usually I don’t miss Randy after being apart just a week. But I do this time. I guess, in retirement, being together 24/7/365 seems normal.
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