In general, I don’t like women in groups. So. Much. Drama.
For example, you’ll never find me joining a garden club or a women’s civic organization. I haven’t had much luck fitting in with women’s Bible study groups, or even book clubs. I used to joke that I didn’t like women much. After spending my career often supervising large groups of women, I seriously needed to escape.
After I turned my back on corporate America, I discovered it isn’t women I didn’t like, but the DRAMA of GROUPS of women.
I have excellent friends now who are women, more women whom I care about a lot than I ever thought I’d have. Each one of them is unique and special and I am honored and humbled to count them as people whom I love dearly and whom I know love me dearly.
I write about this today because it’s the birthday of one of the most special friends I’ve made here in Florida. If you’re a regular reader of 68 and Counting, you’ve heard me mention Michele countless times.
Michele is the reason this blog even exists. I met her when she was the designer assigned to us when we had our kitchen remodeled. After the project was finished, she asked to come take pictures of how it turned out for her design blog. While here, she told me an incredibly personal and moving story of a dream she had that guided and drove her activities as she marched toward the 4th quarter of her life (she and I were born within a couple of months of each other in 1954. It so profoundly affected me that I started this blog.
Michele and I don’t have a lot in common, but we share a deep love of writing and of the beach. We’re both working on books, she much more diligently than I. Today, mine is languishing and hers (a memoir) is finished. In fact, she is persistently working on edits and revisions. And I’m thrilled for her that she is going to Guatemala next month to attend a memoir writing workshop with author Joyce Maynard (more than 20 published books).
What makes Michele’s life memoir-worthy, in my opinion, is that she has triumphed over some of the toughest life situations of anyone I’ve ever met. Her childhood was filled with experiences that could have turned her into a bitter, angry adult. Instead, those experiences helped make her determined to rise above her beginnings and make the most of opportunities she recognized as they came her way. She worked hard, kept promises she made, practiced extreme kindness and gratitude with every encounter she had, and learned that the world could be a wonderful place for those who reached for the stars.
Michele knows how to make lemonade out of lemons. She thinks the best of every person she meets. She looks for good in all situations. Yet she’s not a pushover or a Pollyanna. She’s smart enough to recognize if someone tries to take advantage of her. Even when that occurs, she’s firm, but mannerly in handling those situations.
Everyone has a backstory, though. But that isn’t what makes a great friend. Way back on June 28, 2022, I wrote a post called Friendship is an Action Word. In that post, in the 3rd last paragraph, I mentioned that I’d recently had lunch for the first time with Michele. Back then, I thought there was great friend potential there. I was right. Michele has become one of the most faithful, caring, consistent friends I’ve ever been privileged to have.
Michele and I text every single day. Some days all it is is a screenshot of our Wordle game. It’s not a competition, but rather a way to touch base with each other every single day. As I said in the blog post mentioned about, friendship is an action word. Daily contact, even a tiny bit, fulfills that action requirement. We cheer each other on, or commiserate over the difficulties in that silly Wordle game every day. If we miss, it’s a chance to check up on each other to make sure everything is okay.
Michele is a good listener. And her memory is incredible. You mention something in passing and she’ll tuck that something away to use in a way that’s impressively appropriate, no matter how far in the future that might be.
She’s also unbelievably thoughtful and astonishingly artistic. She uses her time, energy, and money to create perfect mementos, gifts, and individual contributions to her friends’ lives. They are well thought out and executed. On the receiving end of many of these gifts, I’ve felt extraordinarily special. And very, very humbled to be called friend by Michele.
I just don’t have the kind of thoughtfulness and creativity that is so innate to Michele. If I were a woman who compared herself to other women and found myself lacking, I might be bothered by that. But in the best friendships, with mature and drama-free participants, each realizes that their personalities and gifts can complement each other’s. That’s how I think of my friendship with Michele.
Michele and I are, in many ways, quite different from each other too. I’m more left-brained, Michele is more right-brained. Our political and social world views are different as well, I think. But we are respectful of those differences and don’t dwell on them. Too many people today throw the baby out with the bathwater when they don’t agree on everything.
Finally, Michele celebrates with me when great things happen in my life and supports me in every way when something happens in mine that requires encouragement and bolstering. I do the same for her. Philosopher Marcus Tullius Cicero said, “Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief.”
He was right. I’m proud and honored to count Michele among my closest friends.
Happy Birthday, Michele!
P.S. To all my wonderful closest friends who aren’t named in this post…I know who you are, you know who you are. I will find ways to honor each of you individually.
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