Do you ever look back on seemingly random and minor things in your life that somehow all line up and create, perhaps even far into the future, something significant and meaningful? It feels like so many little (some really little, like the stickers I’m about to tell you about) things that happened in my life the last 5 years are part of a greater, profound plan God had for me all along.
Last year, when Randy and I were on our Epic 50th Anniversary Grand Adventure Road Trip, somewhere along the way I saw and bought a sheet of stickers that said Adventure Awaits. You know the kind. The actual sheet I bought is pictured here. They’re the ones you transfer onto, say, a car window, which gives people some idea of the kind of person you are. I see stickers like this all the time…. stick families with 2 kids and a dog, Salt Life, or the logo of a favorite sports team.
I’ve always liked the word Adventure. So much promise of fun and excitement in that word. It evokes a feeling of more than just a simple, routine journey. More than habitual, predictable situations. It contains, for me, an element of curiosity and discovery and maybe even a bit of transformation. That’s why I included it in the “official title” of the celebration marking our 50th Anniversary last year. Randy and I approached that whole 8-week road trip with a high spirit of adventure. When I saw the stickers, I knew I had to have them.
I apparently hastily shoved them in my computer bag the day I bought them, then promptly forgot about them. Over the weekend I was digging in my computer bag for something completely unrelated and “discovered” them again.
What a God wink!
In retrospect, the purchase of those Adventure Awaits stickers wasn’t a message for me and Randy, but for me alone. God’s known all along that my and Randy’s time together was drawing to a close, that He was going to soon call Randy back to heaven. He divinely orchestrated so many situations (I’ve written about many of them the past few months) in the past 5 years, starting with our move to Florida, to prepare me for this time when I would find myself living life without Randy by my side.
God knew that I needed a reminder, during this very emotional and transformational time of my life, to approach this new normal without Randy as an adventure.
I am a planner. You who’ve been with me a long, long time know, I’m always trying to think 2 steps ahead. That’s served me well for years and years and years. That ingrained traits, thinking and planning ahead are why, when Randy was sick, I often thought about what life might look like for me alone after he died.
You might laugh at some of the things I considered. I’m going to tell you about them anyway. I like to make people laugh, and mulling through them again here in this blog will not only be cathartic but will also help me see the pros and cons of some of the (sometimes outlandish) things running through my mind.
One of the first ideas that resonated a bit is to buy a camper van, preferably a pink or yellow VW bus camper, and spend a lot of time on the road visiting friends and family. Nothing says adventure to me quite like a pastel VW bus with a peace sign painted on it. On the other hand, nothing says outlandish to me quite like a pastel VW bus with a peace sign painted on it. You might recall that Randy and I considered a camper van for the Grand Adventure Road Trip and rejected the idea as too expensive and too much work. Why I am still even thinking about this kinda, sorta annoys me. But there it is. I still like road trips and alone is appealing. I just have to keep reminding myself that occasion hotel rooms are far less expensive and less work than camper vans that sit idle 99.5% of the time.
Then there’s cruising, as in on cruise ships. Randy and I were just starting to enjoy that form of travel. Last September we bought $2,000 worth of future cruise credits on Norwegian Cruise Lines. We used only a quarter of them last December. On that trip I met a woman whose husband recently died. She’d been on one cruise or another for the last 5 weeks. She was sitting in the observation lounge, knitting, which is why I felt comfortable approaching her to start a conversation. I think I’d like to take a cruise alone. I don’t care much about the ports or where the ship is as long as it’s warm.
It annoys me now, though, that cruising is priced for 2 people. From my initial research I found it’s as expensive for me to cruise alone as it is to share the experience with someone else. Several people offered to join me. I appreciate that, but it’s the alone experience on a ship I want to try. I’ll call my personal Norwegian cruise consultant and see what I can work out. I’ll probably just suck it up and spend the money sometime soon. It’s not a life changing adventure.
Another thing I’ve pondered is where and how I’ll end up living eventually. A couple of months ago I saw a condo for sale on Little Gasparilla Island off the coast of Englewood, right on the beach. I assure you, that appeals to me too…. the condo and the beach. It was very affordable and looked like a nice place. The affordability is because you can only get to the Island by ferry. A very short ferry ride (3 minutes), but still a ferry. I don’t know how much of a lifestyle change I’m willing to make to affordably live on the beach. Walking 10 steps out your front door to the sand dunes every day is ridiculously appealing. I’m glad I made my closest friends promise they wouldn’t let me to make any big decisions about anything for at least a year.
I’ve also thought about hiring a personal trainer. I know, I know. I can hear those of you who know me well laughing your butts off.
I was part of a program back in my early Air Force days where they studied the effects of weight training on female airmen. My days in that program didn’t last long as I was so damn close to my Air Force weight limit that as I replaced fat with muscle that weighed more, I had to quit. Quitting was totally counterproductive as I was healthier, stronger, and in much better shape, but rules are rules in the Air Force. No logic bends or breaks them. I remember liking how much I looked and felt back then. Could 45 years make that much of a difference? I wonder if I can really get healthier at my age. And I wonder if I have the ambition to try.
Any or all of those things will be adventures for me. And there will be other adventures I stumble into as I navigate the rest of my life without a partner. I’m going to keep an open mind, an open heart, and as much physical motivation as a 72 year old newly minted widow can muster. Because Adventure Awaits, and I have the stickers to remind me!
P.S. Before my next post I’ll drive to Manitowoc and spending a night or 2 sleeping on my mom’s couch. Talk about a regressive adventure!
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