In day-to-day life in America in 2026, we throw the word love around like a politician throwing candy in a local small-town Memorial Day parade. We’re trained and conditioned to hear and say we love or are loved so often and so easily that it pops out of mouths automatically, sometimes at totally inappropriate times. Not often, but I’ve had the experience of having a great conversation with someone I don’t know well, getting into personal stuff, seeming to make a connection, feeling very comfortable and “in tune” with them, and ending the conversation with “Love ya!”
That brought me up short. Wait! What? I love them? Nah…loved talking to them. But ending a very satisfying conversation with someone I didn’t know a half hour ago by saying “love ya” is nothing but automatic behavioral conditioning. And it degrades what love is in our lives.
This is important. It’s important because love is the highest and most satisfying human emotion. The lack of love in one’s life can lead to serious and detrimental mental, emotional, physical consequences. Psychologists call the condition affection deprivation. I pray you don’t, and never will, experience it.
The Beatles said “All You Need is Love.” Todd Rundgren said “Love is the Answer.” The Supremes said “You Can’t Hurry Love.” Interestingly, each of those songs can be interpreted as talking about different types of love.
In our Christian culture the Bible is often thought of as a manual or handbook for life. They talk a lot about love in the New Testament (NT). But the NT was largely written in Greek, and the Greek language has multiple words for love. They were much more precise in discussing ❤️ (yeah, some people only have symbols for love in their “vocabulary”!) than we are today. It’s a worthwhile endeavor to understand the differences in how love was presented then and how they have become altered and are used now.
At the risk of opening (or not opening!) a can of worms, we’re going to talk about just the four main Greek words that were translated as “love” in the NT. These are agape, philia, storge, and eros.
Agape is used in the NT more often, 116 times, than any of the others. Agape basically means selfless, unconditional, divine love. The kind of love the Bible teaches that God has for us. And that we should have for other humans. I always take this to mean the kind of love we should have for humanity collectively. In Biblical times, there were other words for love one has for individual people.
The second most used loved word in the NT is philia or its verb derivative, phileo. That form of love is friendship or affection. It is the word probably most synonymous with how we throw around the “love yas” we use fairly carelessly these days.
The Greek word storge means familial love, between parent and child. It isn’t used at all in the NT although we are warned there twice about its negative form, being unloving or heartless. And the fourth Greek word, eros, expressing sexual love, also isn’t used at all in the NT.
What I take from this information from the manual/handbook of life is this. Our modern culture has romanticized love. Books, movies, reality shows, water cooler conversations at work center around romantic love with a heavy emphasis on eros. There’s way too much graphic sexual eros in our culture, often without any agape or philia. It’s crazy. Sometimes, people never learn it’s the agape or philia that makes the eros meaningful. I hold the very strong opinion that they should come first.
Philia and Agape love don’t keep score, it doesn’t expect anything in return. These two types of love are what Randy and I have felt so profoundly as we walk through the health difficulties that have reared their ugly heads. The best practical description of how this plays out in day-to-day life is found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. You know the verses….
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is an ACTION word! You’ll know you are loved when people act like they love you.
Randy and I are incredibly blessed to have countless friends and family, and even some acquaintances who have showered us with philia and agape the past few years, and especially the past few months. Randy has built a nice on-line following through his blog, ourhighplaces.com. But most of the love comes from friends and family who have stood faithfully by us and acted like they love us through thick and thin over the last 50 years of our marriage.
We see their love actions so clearly. We feel that love so deeply. And it humbles us.
As Christians we are taught to love one another. Implied is whether or not they are strangers. Our modern society conditioning steers us to think about love like we see created in Hollywood. But that’s not Christian love. The New Testament love we are commanded to practice is closer to kindness, respect and patience. The Fruit of the Spirit traits are helpful here starting with love (of course), then joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, all exceptional expressions of love itself. Strive to love like this with anyone and everyone you encounter every day. You don’t need a relationship with them to treat them with kindness and forbearance.
Hmmm, when you meet someone new and talk to them for a half hour, feel a connection, enjoy their company, maybe it’s not so weird after all to say “love ya” as you leave their presence.
P.S. It’s indescribably overwhelming to know you are well and truly loved. We feel it, though, from people near and far, family, close and casual friends, some folks we’ve met only once but connected with, and some who only know us through others. Thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts, for that. Love truly is the answer.
P.P.S. Randy’s had 2 (of 4) immunotherapy treatments and is halfway through 10 radiation treatments for the string of tumors around the base of his neck. He’s feeling a little better though he tires easily and is searching for a way to get better, restful sleep. We’ve settled into a bit of a routine. We know that God is in this with us and are full of the peace that passes all understanding. Keep praying! God hears and answers them every day.
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