We spend most of our lives doing what we should do whether it’s what we want to do or not. In 1998 I had an epiphany when, at a corporate retreat for a company on which I was senior executive staff, a workshop facilitator asked the question…”whose life are you living?”
That one question was life changing for me and Randy. Shortly after, following a period of deep soul searching, we quit our jobs, moved to the Lake of the Ozarks, and started a small, home-based business that supported us quite well. Much more in control of our lives there, we were still working. Barring winning the lottery or being otherwise independently wealthy, the majority of life is spent earning money to support our existence in this world in which we live. And whether you work for someone else or own the company and have scores of people working for you, your life is predominately controlled by your job.
Fast forward to just two short years ago when we made another life changing decision to move to Florida and live in paradise, fully retired. Thanks to a number of factors over the years, as long as the government keeps paying its social security and military retirement obligations, we’ll never have to worry about money for the rest of our lives. We’re not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we’re financially comfortable. We don’t need to work to support ourselves again and can afford to indulge a little in retirement.
My brother Denny and his wife Marlene recently saw Little River Band in concert. They said they had a blast. Last weekend we saw a great Journey tribute band (Majesty of Rock, in case you get a chance to see them), and next week, with Randy’s sister Lynn and her husband Dave, we have tickets to see The Doobie Brothers, with special guest Michael McDonald in concert on their 50th anniversary tour.
What is it about music from “back in the day” that’s so appealing to us here in our retirement years? Here in southwest Florida, not counting the beach, music is the biggest entertainment draw for the retirement crowd.
The lyrics to Little River Band’s song, Reminiscing, give us a clue…
Hurry, don’t be late, I can hardly wait I said to myself when we’re old We’ll go dancing in the dark Walking through the park and reminiscing
Friday night, it was late, I was walking you home We got down to the gate and I was dreaming of the night Would it turn out right Now as the years roll on Each time we hear our favorite song
The memories come along Older times we’re missing Spending the hours reminiscing
I don’t know about you, but I have innumerable favorite songs! Music sparks so many memories. Attending music events gives us opportunity and permission (though permission is definitely NOT needed) to experience the joy of dancing, relive the fun of partying, and provides an excuse for a hell of a lot of drinking. Because of our age, maybe helped along by the drinking, our discernment and sense of decorum are sufficiently suppressed that no one cares anymore what they look like dancing or who they impress (or not). It’s a wonderfully free place to be in life.
Reminiscing really lifts our spirit. Reminiscing is the act of indulging in enjoyable recollection of past events. You know, those times before we were fully into adulting and weighed down by the heavy responsibilities and never-ending worry. But I am particularly struck and intrigued by the word indulge which means to allow oneself to enjoy the pleasure of. How blessed are we to be able to allow ourselves to enjoy the pleasure of whatever it is that strikes our fancy these days?
One of the hardest psychological adjustments to make in retirement is the loss of our identity of what we did in our working years. Often, that’s wrapped up in what we accomplished as a result of working. Without that guide and structure, many new retirees drift aimlessly and begin to feel depressed and anxious about not having a purpose. Few can wrap their heads around or accept that this new stage in their lives can be however they desire, and design, it to be.
Lots of retired folks need to learn how to indulge themselves. It’s ok now not to have any purpose other than to enjoy the life you’re living. If you enjoy working, indulge yourself. If you enjoy volunteering, indulge yourself. If you enjoy reading, indulge yourself. If you enjoy long nature hikes learning botany, indulge yourself. If you enjoy sitting in front of the TV, watching soap operas and eating bon-bons, indulge yourself.
If you’ve lost so much of yourself over the years that you’re not sure how to indulge yourself, start reminiscing. Get one of those adult coloring books that have become so popular in recent years. Take yourself back to your pre-adulting days and mentally examine what you enjoyed the most. Ask whether there’s a way to revisit some of those things and fit them into your retirement life to enjoy all over again in a guilt-free way. Find your juice (more on that next week). Accept that in retirement it’s now your privilege to indulge in your (healthy) heart’s desire. Contemplate, and embrace, indulgence.
P.S. I’m way ahead of Randy on the indulgence scale. I long ago lost the ability to feel guilty about not using my time wisely (as traditionally defined). I have no problem whatsoever doing nothing with any redeeming social, physical, or mental value all day long. Sometimes that gets boring and tiresome, but that’s not the same at all as feeling guilty. I’ve learned to temper my indulgence with activities that make me feel accomplished even when I don’t necessarily enjoy them, and that too, is an essential part of a mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy retirement existence.
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