The first law of thermodynamics (conservation of energy) says that energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only change form. Some days I try to remember that as my energy level flags. Then I wonder if that’s why the sales of energy drinks these days are so brisk. Is the energy level in the can being transferred to the body that ingests it? How did energy get into the can in the first place?
But I digress….
In her book, The Well-Lived Life, 102-year old Dr Gladys McGarey explains that she uses the words energy, life force, and love somewhat interchangeably because for her, they’re all pretty much the same thing. Life itself is energy, she says, and the key to a well-lived life is learning how to direct that life force into things that are joyful interactions for us.
If it is true that we have a finite amount of energy, just as we have a finite amount of time and money, we must make choices on how to spend them on things that have worth (joy) to us. One of the very first blog posts I wrote on this website was called Spending Time. You can read it by clicking on this link. It was kinda, sorta related to this post.
In all the choices we have about spending, regardless of whether it’s time or money, there is a non-discretionary element to those choices. We must provide food and shelter with our money, we must sleep for a portion of our time. I wondered then if there a non-discretionary element to spending our energy.
I initially thought that yes, there must be. I’m sure each of us can think of people in our lives who suck all of the air (energy) out of the room (our lives) whenever we have to deal with them. But the more I thought about it, the more I understood that often there are correlations with these situations and the energy we expend on non-discriminatory time. In other words, the energy you expend on people and activities you don’t enjoy during the time you are, say, working to support yourself, really is non-discriminatory.
Here’s an example. I recall a time after the tornado when our house was being rebuilt. I had decorated the guest bedroom with a wainscot wallpaper of a flower garden and built a headboard for the bed out of white pickets so it looked like a fence. The room turned out awfully pretty and restful, if I do say so myself. Randy, to whom I’d been married for more than a quarter of a century, was actually surprised and commented to me, “I had no idea you were so creative.” I replied, realizing it for the first time, “I guess I’d been spending all my creative energy on my job before.” I was not creative in my personal life because I’d “spent” all my creativity at work.
Thankfully, as we age, more and more of our money, time, and energy is spent on things we actually choose. Yes, some of those resources will still be spent on things we have no choice and control over, but it does seem that in retirement we have a lot more discretionary resources. That means we have to make more choices about what it is that brings us the most joy, or drives us the most crazy. It’s great to have the freedom to choose, if we recognize that we do, and have the courage to kick the craziness out of our lives.
This is a good time to point out that even when we don’t have choices about what happens to us or how to spend the resources, we always have choices about how we react to the circumstances we find ourselves in. And that is instrumental in determining what is worth our energy.
Let me give you an example from Dr Gladys’s book. She tells about her sister, Margaret, who lived for more than 20 years with her mother-in-law. The woman constantly belittled Margaret and criticized everything about her, including the way she mothered her children. Dr Gladys couldn’t stand to see her sister treated like that and once asked her how she put up with it. Her sister smiled at her and said, “she’s just like that. That’s none of my business though. I don’t have the energy for it. All my energy is going right here, to my child.”
That, exactly, is the point of my post today. You get to choose how you spend your energy.
There are people in my life, family members, who I am now simply unwilling to give any of my energy to. I’ll spare you the details, but no matter what they do or say, either to me or to others about me, I just ignore them. It hasn’t been easy learning that I don’t have to engage with their energy, which is always negative and draining. But spending my energy on them is not worth a thing to me. I’m much happier as a result of ignoring them.
Asking what’s worth your energy is a very different question than what is your energy worth. The second question asks you to value your energy, which I think is hard to do considering you’d first have to decide what measure of value you’re using and then try to quantify it. It also opens the door to a debate with whomever you are discussing the issue.
But the first question, what’s worth your energy, is very personal and puts you in charge. You are allowed to think deeply about what is, to you, the measure of value of your energy, and then evaluate that measure against whether or not you are trading your energy for what you value. Knowing those things about yourself makes it easier to decide how to handle, or think about, every situation in which you need to expend your finite energy.
If I value my physical health, I’m going to spend more energy in activities that improve or maintain my body in good condition. If I value peace and quiet, I’ll choose to put my energy into activities (and people) that promote tranquility. But perhaps more important, I will avoid activities, people, things, situations that can (as one of my favorite podcasts describe getting worked up about something) get my jimmies rustling. This is a primary reason I no longer watch TV or listen to the news. Pop culture and propaganda are not worth my energy.
What is worth my energy? Life-long learning, relationships with positive, upbeat, and intellectually honest people, and enjoying the magnificence of this planet God created for the years we spend above ground here. As I mentioned earlier, Dr Gladys uses the words energy interchangeably with life force and love. So, these are the things worth my…love.
What’s worth your energy?
P.S. I’ve discovered that being retired gives quite a bit of time for soul searching and being on a never ending spiritual journey. It’s freeing, but honestly, I have more questions than answers after 4 years. Which is why Dr. Gladys’s book has made such a profound impact on me. The quest continues.
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